reflections

I've spent most of the evening reading Samuel's blog. His early days in the hospital sound so much like Aidan's. I got to the point where Samuel's mom mentioned she spoke with an ER nurse who was there when Samuel was admitted. Samuel's blood ph was 6.9. Anything below 7.0 indicates that the body is dying. I've mentioned before that Aidan's ph was below 6.5. It wasn't even registerable because the lab value only goes to 6.5.

It makes me sick to think of how close we came to losing Aidan altogether. The doctor never expected Aidan to live. When I arrived at the hospital, I just knew that they were going to tell me he was gone. I'll never know everything that the paramedics, the nurses and doctors did to bring Aidan back. I'm not sure I want to know.

I think I'm doing okay most of the time, and then out of the blue I'll get a flash of Aidan floating in the water and I'll get the same sick feeling I felt when I realized that my baby was probably dead. I keep trying and trying to get past this. I can't change it.

These feelings sneak up on me when I least expect it. I'm just so SICK of hospitals. I want to get Aidan home and get back to our lives. We've got to establish normal again. I want both of my babies under the same roof in their own beds at night.

Oh, well... Aidan is doing well tonight. He's sleeping peacefully. They did an EEG today to find out if the startling that I've noticed is seizure activity or if it's just part of the storming syndrome. I'm hoping that this is just the progression of the syndrome as his brain tries to heal and "rewire".

As for the hyperbaric treatments, it looks like they will have to wait until we are discharged. Because it is considered "experimental" therapy for brain injuries they don't want to risk our insurance to refuse to pay because we take him out of the hospital. Regardless, Aidan will be receiving his first treatment on the 17th on our way home from the hospital. I just pray that we see some improvement. I'm also ready to get him to the neuro-opthalmologist so we can find out if and to what extent he can see. We'll have to find out more about that. Maybe we can get scheduled for that while we're here and take him to that since the hospital will actually transport him for that visit.

Please focus your prayers on these startle episodes that Aidan is having, pray that they aren't seizures and this is just his brain's way of healing. Please also pray that the casts have done what they were intended to do and that Aidan won't have to have them done again.

Thank you everyone!
with love,
Erin