hopefully 2009 will be better

I hope that everyone had a Happy Holiday and Merry Christmas. I meant to post a card, but never got around to it. I wasn't much in the mood really. The boys had a good Christmas. Evan racked up on toys, not that he needed any, although I think his favorite is the little tikes truck Santa brought. He's in it first thing every morning and pitches a fit if you have to change his diaper first.

Aidan got a lot of therapy toys and the like. Santa brought him a couple of vibrating pillows and a therapy ball along with some toys that light up. It was hard buying gifts for him because we really didn't know what to get him. They both got several books and DVD's.

Christmas eve and day were really hard on me. Christmas day after opening gifts at my mom's, I came home and crawled in the bed and slept. I just wanted to forget about it. Our GPS was stolen out of our van that day too.

Yesterday we found out that Russell's job is ending tomorrow. He went on an interview last week and has had several emails regarding other positions so we'll have to wait and see. Luckily he has worked at his job long enough to qualify for unemployment until he finds something.

This is not the way I wanted to start the year. The economy sucks and it looks like I'll have to try to find a part time job. If I'm lucky I can find something, but I'm not going to hold my breath. Things are rather tight after moving and covering those expenses. I wish we could have waited longer to move, but it had to be done. We needed our own place. It's been better for Aidan and all of us in general.

Anyway, we're fast approaching the anniversary of Aidan's accident and his 3rd birthday. I don't even know how to handle it all. I wish someone would invent a time machine so I can just go back and redo the last year and pretend it was all a horrible, miserable nightmare. I guess in my own little fairytale world 2008 will just start over at the stroke of midnight tomorrow night. Wouldn't that be nice. If that would happen, I'd do everything in my power to keep Aidan safe. I'd listen to my gut when I felt I should have brought him inside that day... or maybe I wouldn't even have his birthday party that day. I'd keep his little monkey backpack "leash" on him and not let him out of my sight EVER!

I know I'm bargaining... I'm in complete denial, but damnit! I want my baby back. I want to go back to our boring mundane life where Aidan runs into my room every morning and snuggles with me. Where he jabbers to himself even though I insist he try to talk. I'd be willing to give up as much of my life as I had to to keep him from going near the pond just so he could be normal again, so he could be safe.

I'm sorry to be so depressing, but I've had all I can take. Russell losing his job, a job that he really enjoyed and we were hoping and praying would go permanent and just the whole holiday has really got me down. I don't know when or where in my life I screwed up to bring this existence on myself or my children, but I wish I knew. I wish I could fix it all. Aidan and Evan deserve better than me. Aidan deserves to be a normal, happy little boy. He and Evan should be fighting over that stupid truck and laughing and playing together.

I wish it was me instead of my baby. Oh, well... enough moping and wishing for something that isn't ever going to happen. So much for a new year- maybe it will be better.

ever wish you had a crystal ball?

I'm wishing that I had had one when I was pregnant with Aidan. If I had known then what I know now about saving his cord blood and the possibilities his own stem cells have of healing his brain now, I'd have jumped at the opportunity. Now, I'm just kicking myself in the butt for not doing it anyway.

I know that stem cell research is a very touchy issue with some people, but cord blood stem cells really shouldn't be that controversial. They are taken from the placenta at birth or otherwise destroyed as medical waste.

http://www.cordblood.com/cord-blood-banking.asp
This is a story that was featured on the Today Show about a little boy who was treated with his own cells.
It's extremely interesting and proves to me that there is hope in using stem cells. They are just now starting to see the effectiveness in treating injuries like Aidan's.

I bring this up because Russell and I have been discussing whether we want another child in the near future. If we do decide to have another baby, we're definitely saving the cord blood because there is a chance that it could be used to treat Aidan. Siblings are twice as likely to be a match according to what I've read. While that wouldn't be our purpose to bring another baby into the picture it is definitely a perk.

Anyway, I just thought I'd share some of the stuff I'd been reading.

The past few weeks have been good. Aidan is doing well. We've decreased his methadone and he has responded well to that. With Christmas just a couple days away, I'm just reminded of how sad I am. I'm trying to keep myself busy by crocheting and doing housework which is why I haven't been posting a lot lately. It's just too hard sometimes.

Aidan finished his 80th hyperbaric treatment last Friday and is taking a break until sometime in April. The center was fully booked so we couldn't start back at the first of the year like we were thinking initially. The break will do us all some good.

So that is what is going on here. I hope that everyone is doing well and having a wonderful holiday!

Erin

more pictures

The much awaited Halloween pictures are finally downloaded! Russell forgot to add them last night when he posted.








These are some that were taken from Thanksgiving day and this past Saturday while we were waiting to see Santa.



Hope you all enjoy the pictures. Aidan is starting to respond to be tickled. He will smile a little when you tickle him, but not every time. The other night I came in to talk to him before going out to run some errands and I tickled his nose and he smiled at me. And then when I was stroking his cheek he smiled at me again. It's enough to melt your heart into a giant puddle of mush when he smiles at you.

That's all that is going on right now. We're getting ready to leave to go to the school for his assessment so I will post news about that later.

Hope everyone is having a great day!

Sorry for the long delay ...

I know it has been a little while since we have posted anything on here, but things have been particularly busy lately. Erin spent the past couple of weeks getting stuff ready for a friend's daughter's birthday party this past weekend. Below is the afghan and cake she made for Miss Abby, who just turned 4. The theme for the party was The Wizard of Oz.

Before that, though, we paid a visit to Santa at my workplace. It was a neat little event, which gave kids a chance to get their picture taken with Santa and share some cookies and milk with him. As you can see from the second picture, Evan really enjoyed his cookie. :)

And for those of you wondering about the puppies, they are growing like weeds. Hard to believe they are almost two weeks old! I believe this picture is from just after they were born.

Aidan has an appointment tomorrow with a preschool for Special Needs kids. I am sure Erin will post something about that when we get back home or sometime after that. Other than that, we have been getting ready for Christmas to get here. I am also looking into some therapy for myself ... something called somatic experiencing. It is something the doc at the hyperbaric center is doing. I think we are going to meet up this weekend to discuss it further.

As always, your continued thoughts and prayers are welcomed and greatly appreciated. Pray that I will hear good news about my contract; I'm supposed to know something in the next week or two. Also, pray for me as I start working towards running again. I have done it before, but I had the support of a running group. This time, I'll most likely be going out on my own.

~Russell